so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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