WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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