I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
