i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
