It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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