Don't make out with my wife yet
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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