I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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