At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
