i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
