Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
