You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
