walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
