frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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