Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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