Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
