that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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