We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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