I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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