Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
