what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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