I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
