let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
