apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
