when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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