My nipple is on Facebook.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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