I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
