I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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