I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I checked into jail on foursquare
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
