Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
