I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
