I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
