Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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