So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
