apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
