when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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