omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
