DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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