her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
