whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
