bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
