just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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