we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
