I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Vodka?
Forever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
