I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
