I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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