every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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