your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
