So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
