Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
