I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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